Is it normal to not sleep the night before you’re first therapy session? I knew going to bed I was going to sleep tonight but just in case the four panic attacks I had today didn’t give me enough to think about tonight, the messages from my ex certainly did. We’ve been broke up two weeks now and if I’m honest, he’s not the reason I need therapy but he’s the reason I’ve pushed myself to go.
He told me tonight that he loves me and he hates disrespecting me… Go figure that one out and come back to me. If he loves me can he not stop? If he hates it can he not just quit it? What does he even mean by disrespecting me? The emotional torture he’s out me through for months? I don’t know anymore. I wish I didn’t love him and I wish I was strong enough to turn my back on him.
Instead I’m left crying tonight, still wishing he’d let me go home while wishing I’d also never met him. He keeps giving me a sense of hope that we can work this out before ripping it away again. Every time it feels like I’m going through it all again, each time hurts more than the last. I’m broken. I can’t break anymore or there will be nothing left to break.
Maybe tomorrow will make it disappear.