Relationship Goals

I’m a disaster in relationships but I don’t know if it’s my fault anymore. Sometimes I blame him, other times I blame myself for being a pushover and letting him away with it.

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As I’m 26 I’m not as naive as I have been in previous years and in actual fact, I think I’m probably quite realistic when it comes to a relationship. I’m not expecting a whirlwind romance like you find in movies and books. I’m not looking for a knight in shining armour. I’m not looking for some tall, dark, rich and handsome guy to walk in and sweep me off my feet and take care of me. I actually hate the fact that those romances exist, even if it is only fiction. It leads girls (in particular) into a false sense of reality. 

I don’t think I expect much from a relationship. 

I want somebody to do nothing with. Somebody to waste time with. I want somebody that is reliable and who wants to challenge me. I don’t want a push over who will agree with me on every debate. I want somebody who will support me and love me in spite of my imperfections. Somebody who will make me feel safe. 

Is that a lot to ask for? 

Because if it’s not, then why do I always pick the wrong ones? 

I don’t even have a type. I don’t go for guys based on looks. I go based on personality. Somebody who can make me smile and laugh. Every single one of them though has been a failure once I get to know them. Somebody who puts on a show to win me over and then just drops the pretence once I’ve been sucked in. I’m beginning to think it’s my fault at this stage.

I think I’m a good looking girl. Slightly underweight maybe but not sickly thin, more toned than skinny. I’ve a fat ass that’s too big for the rest of my body and small tits. I’m mixed race and I always get compliments about my looks, especially my eyes so they’re down below. I’m polite and friendly, even when I don’t always feel like acting that way. I know the right places to nod and laugh in a conversation. I don’t think I’m a bad person. I just seem to attract bad people into my life. 

I guess you could say that with my track record in relationships, I’ve grown accustomed to being mistreated and it’s what I’ve come to expect. It’s what I think I deserve. 

This relationship is tough. I got sucked in with smiles and jokes, laughs and dates. I met his son and grew to love the two of them. I wanted us to be a family. I got up and made family breakfasts and came home and did family dinners. I cleaned the house and made it a home. I ironed shirts and looked after a sick child. I was happy to do it when I thought he wanted it too. Now I’m not sure what he wants. 

Sometimes I think it isn’t me he wants at all. Sometimes I think he just needs a cleaner in the house. 

We don’t have sex, he fucks me and thinks of other girls. How do I know that’s what he thinks about? He says it out loud, my sister, my cousin, my best friend… Even my mother. I’m never enough. 

What is wrong with me that every single time I feel like I’m taken advantage of? 
-A

Author: hopeless666

Sort of single, mid 20s female, struggling with life...

2 thoughts on “Relationship Goals”

  1. Wow that’s sad … I can relate there and there… I also feel like I’m attracting the wrong guys… to the point I’ve found happiness being single … I got tired of trying please him or people in general who don’t appreciate me … in my case I’ve let go of people who are the cause of my sadness … this taught me to choose my company well and surround myself with people with similar visions to mine .. for me friendships are the foundations of any relationship… if one really loves you , they will wait for you in the process of being your friend and respect you… share in your happiness and sorrows… give you the support you need .. I also don’t like being taken advantage of … so me being single taught me independence… regardless of people admiring me … I decided to live my life to what I love most about myself and cherish it … and that has been making me happy and glow for days because I simply do not let anything bring me down anymore … which attracts guys … okay and girls to desire to become like me, which is my past and pain groomed me. Girl I think you should take time to yourself… you deserve to be happy as well … and never settle for something that doesn’t make you happy . You will find that person you looking for . Patience is a word I know and have experienced in certain circumstances and its reAlly worth it … wink* .. I hope I said valid things to your situation.

    Like

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