Why I’ve started a blog

I don’t know why I’ve started a blog, I don’t know what I’m going to write about long term but right now, I need somewhere to vent. I don’t expect anybody to read this but it’s my way of getting everything off my chest. I’m starting therapy tomorrow because I can’t deal with life anymore. I feel like I’m constantly staring into a void and I don’t know where I’m going in life. People talk about hearing voices in their head, I don’t hear voices plural, I hear one voice, MINE! 

Constantly telling me what I can and can’t do. If it’s anything got to do with trying to better myself, that voice in my head will tell me I don’t deserve it, I can’t do it, I’ll fail… If it’s anything got to do with failure, that voice will tell me that’s all I have ever been good at. Failing. Everything. Relationships, friendships, college, career… Life in general, I’m good at failing life in general. So why bother? 

Everytime I think I have my life sorted, that voice kicks in. 

I feel like I checked out of life years ago and I’m just passing time until I expire. 

I just want it all to stop because I’ve lost every battle along the way and I’m losing the war.